I’m planning before all of this is done to spend a day rereading everything that I wrote in the past year. I know that I’m going to find all sorts of fun surprises, inconsistencies, and errors. Every time I walk into a large crowd I think of the crowd I encountered on Chinese New Year. I went to the main Buddhist temple on Beijing that day in hopes of learning about Buddhism. I then compared the experience of learning about Buddhism by visiting Buddhist Monastery on Chinese New Year to going to Chuckee Cheesel to learn about Christianity. Three weeks later, I was in a Filipino shopping mall and saw something worse… a Healing Mass and chapel of perpetual Adoration in one of the store fronts. Guess every now and then I have to eat my words, change my mind, and switch directions.
I am positive that I have contradicted myself at least a dozen times during this year and these writings. One day I write one thing, the next day the opposite. One day I criticized the Church, the next day I praise her. I’m not too worried about the inconsistencies. I have never intended these journal entries to be a treatise on doctrine. They are a journey, an exploration. When my job is to articulate the Church’s beliefs, my opinion doesn’t matter. I can give you a recitation of the catechism just as well as anyone. Instead, my ramblings are a pursuit of faith, not an articulation of Catholic beliefs.
I rest easy in my human error, knowing that Jesus (or rather the writers who wrote Jesus’ words), were pretty inconsistent as well. One day, in one Gospel account, Jesus says those who are not for him you are against him, and the next day, in another Gospel account, he says those who are not against him are for him. One day Jesus is all love and sunshine, and the next day, fire and brimstone. How do you make sense of such contraries?
I have struggled to figure out how I make sense of the contraries inside myself. How do I make sense of my the fact that my favorite destinations on this pilgrimage have included Roman cathedrals, remote sanctuaries, and Nigerian slums? How do I synthesize the equal regard that I hold for Jerusalem, Lourdes, and impoverished orphanages?
“I gave up the impulse to determine which was my favorite place. They all share in the presence of God.” I respond to Fr. Mike as he questions me about my journey.
“Perhaps, like in all things, you have discovered that the answer lies in the journey itself. The process has changed you, as it has also changed your understanding of the process.” Fr. Mike responds.
Fr. Mike has this mystical serenity that surrounds him. There is no puzzlement of argument perplexing his temperament, but rather the tranquil serenity of life meeting vocation. An elderly priest, he is simply happy to serve in the mission lands of Mexico.
I went with him to a Mass of a local Christian community held in a run down house in La Laguna. If you have downloaded Google Earth onto your computer, you can view my pictorial of Fr. Mike and the house Mass by clicking here.
The Mass was a celebration in preparation for the Solemnity of Our Lady of Guadalupe. The community had one hundred and seventy hand-made candles, each about one meter long, which will be burned during a pilgrimage procession on December 12. Fr. Mike offered the Mass as a petition of blessing over the candles, the individuals who made the candles, and those who will use the candles.
I wish I could see the candles in use. The people walking. The flames wearing down the length of the candles bit by bit, as the pilgrims near their destination. The journey changes the candles. The journey changes the people.
During his homily, Fr. Mike was sharing with those who will make the pilgrimage in the coming days that “Jesus is the way.” Fr. Mikes’ earler comments came back to me. The journey is the answer itself.
There is a sound bite which often gets used in church-work that goes, “Jesus is the answer. What is the question?”
Fr Mike’s approach has reminded me that such a proverb is more a commentary on the person who makes the statement than it is on Jesus. There is no place in the Bible that says “Jesus is the answer.” There is no objective revelation that states “Jesus is the answer.” When a person says “Jesus is the answer,” what s/he is really saying is “Jesus is my answer” “Jesus is the answer to my questions.” In that, it is a beautiful witness to one’s faith, but when it is used in such a matter that it belittles the faith of others, it is an arrogant antiphon.
“Jesus is the way.” Well that is a different statement altogether.
A way, a path, a process, goes one direction one day, and shifts the next. It adapts to the landscape. It vibrates with the energy of possibility and excitement of discovery. That’s Jesus. Not a stagnant equation, but a pursuit that can sometimes seem contradictory, sometimes irrational, sometimes confusing. Jesus is the very path that we can take, which can enable us to see, with equal measure, the magnificence of God, in the most glorious cathedral, and the most humble home, at the blessing of a hundred and seventy candles.